Feelings and needs are intimate partners in the anatomy of how we navigate through the journey of life. Our feelings tell us how things are going, well or not so well, and our needs are the motivations behind our actions. When we feel “negative” emotions it is an indication that our needs “are not being met” and when we feel “positive “emotions it is an indication that our needs “are being met.”
Here is a simple template that will help you get in touch with your feelings and connect them to your needs:
Fill in the blank –
When I feel ___________my need for __________is not being met.
E.g. When I feel irritated my need for rest is not being me.
This is a simple example that helps me get in touch with why I might be feeling irritated and gives me the inner knowledge that when I am irritated I might want to rest instead of judge the outside circumstances.
Here is another possibility. It can reveal the feelings that happen when your needs are being met.
When I feel ___________my need for ___________is being met.
E.g. When I feel delighted my need for connection is being met.
Try filling in the blanks and let your awareness become more clear. The above process is a stream of consciousness process so be as spontaneous as possible. Before you begin find a place in you that is
willing to be surprised. It is a discovery process meant to uncover NEW insights.
If you want to see a more extensive list of feelings and needs to build your vocabulary go to:
The Center for Nonviolent Communication