I think it is pretty safe to say that we all want to create more love in our lives.

Whether it is in a romantic connection, with our children, friends, family or even at work. We all want to feel love, even if it comes in the form of a warm and friendly smile from a clerk at the market!

I want to share with you five things that you can do to bring more love into your life right now.

These are five skills that are part of the NVC Compassionate Communication Relationship Success Skill Set!

The principles and tools of NVC are incredibly comprehensive and far too broad reaching to address in a short article like this one.

However an awareness of these five very important skills can begin to positively change how much love you have in your life by cultivating the ability to create more connection and genuine care for yourself and between you and the other people in your life.

In short that translates to having more loving and supportive relationships! In my world that is the foundation of relationship success!

I would like to share these skills with you here.

My hope is that you will find inspiration and perhaps the curiosity to go further in your learning. The five skills that follow are the foundational skills of NVC. The beauty of these skills is that each one encompasses the others, which reinforces the learning of all of them. They are an integrated whole and function in support of each other! These five essential Compassionate Communication Interpersonal Skills are:

1 – Open mindful present moment awareness and presence.

This refers to the ability to perceive and be in the moment free from preconcieved evaluations, personal judgements, interpretations, projections and emotional reactivity.

The result? A broader perspective, more relaxation, less emotional and psychological stress in any given situation and greater openess to compassion.

How do you do this? Here is one way to begin to develop this capacity. When you notice that you are getting agitated and beginning to get constricted in your energy or thinking, take a deep breath and step back from the situation that you are facing, the thoughts that you are thinking and the feelings that might be excalating inside of you. Close your eyes and breathe into your body. Let yourself settle away from how you are reacting. Now, ask yourself “Am I prejudging this person or circumstance? Is there something else here that I am not seeing. What else can I ask of the other to increase my understanding of them?”

2 – Self Connection and Empathy

This refers to being in touch with ones feeling, needs and desires in relation to another or a situation, a strong self connection and ability to have empathy and compassion for oneself.

The result? The ability to be more responsive and more fully engaged in creating nurturing, satisfying and fulfilling life circumstances. More inner peace and ease with oneself even in the face of challenging circumstances.

How to I do this? Practice Compassionate Mindful Self Awareness. Take a deep breath into your torso. Step back from the situation for a moment. Notice, without pressure that you have to do anything else but simply notice, what you are actually feeling and sensing. Ask yourself “What am I really feeling right now?” Be honest and trust yourself. It does not have to make logical sense. Feelings are not logical in the way we ususally think of logic being A plus B equals C.

Ask yourself “What do I need in this situation?”. Ask yourself “What do I want to ask of this person right now?” Now, acknowledge all that is going on inside of yourself and appreciate yourself for what is alive inside of you right now, knowing that it is your birthright to have honest authentic feelings, needs and desires. Connect with all that you have been able to get in touch with from this place of loving positive regard for yourself.

3 – Honest, Authentic, Articulate Self Expression

This means being able to speak with another about what is going on within oneself in a way that truly communicates understanding, nurtures being in touch with oneself and cultivates a genuine connection with another.

The result? Clarity of purpose, relaxation, and the free flow of energy which increases well being and creativity. Most importantly it is the foundation for creating understanding between two people.

How do it do this? Practice being honest and transparent about what you are connected to within yourself at the moment. Stay our of past and future stories and stick to what you are connected with inside yourself in the moment. Pause in between thoughts, take a breathe, and ask the other person if they need more clarification to help them understand what you have just shared. This keeps the other engaged and aware that you care about them as well.

4 – Open Hearted Listening

Open hearted listening is listening to another with a focus on understanding their situation, feelings, needs and desires. It includes being able to feel and express empathy and compassion for them. Listening skills such as this are the crucial bridge of understanding between people.

The result? Open, creative and vital conversations and relationships.

How do I do this? Breath while you are listening and practice compassionate self connection. Ask questions of the other to help you accurately understand what is going on for them. Do not assume that you can translate what they are saying through your own experience. Put aside your interpretations and inquire into how this persons world really works. Ask them if they would like to hear a response and what they would like to hear from you. Some examples of responses are empathetic understanding, emotional holding, personal response (how it feels for you to hear what they are saying) brain storming, trouble shooting, etc. Be willing to put aside your own agenda and offer the other what they are wanting from your listening.

5 -Asking For What One Truly Wants Without Demand.

This includes being willing to hear a “no”, and be able to discuss what might work for everyone involved with the goal of finding creative solutions that consider and meet each persons needs.

The result? The ability to get to everyone’s “yes” without coercion or acquiescing. The result being that each person involved feels the fulfillment of being seen, heard and considered. This is an essential experience for us as humans and contributes to our overall sense of well being, belonging and being willing to joyfully cooperate with each other. Joyful cooperation is the foundation of peace on earth.

How to do this? Consider how you would like the other to participate with you and find a way to ask that is an open ended invitation versus a demand. When you make your request ask the other if they would be willing and if it is something that might be doable for them. Check in with yourself to notice how open you are to hearing a no and your willingness to continue asking what might work for them? Stay connected with what might work for you as you continue so that the two of you can come to a mutually beneficial agreement.

Ask yourself “what can we do that would improve our connection while meeting each of our individual needs?”

These five skills are an essential interpersonal relationship tool kit for all of us humans

As I mentioned earlier, we are in this earth dance together. We and all beings with us on this earth are best served if we know how to communicate with each other in a way that promotes understanding, consideration, and joyful cooperation. When these five communication skills are integrated into ones interpersonal skill set, conversations between people create an open, safe, and supportive interpersonal environment that greatly contributes to the aliveness and vitality of relationships between people and peace and harmony between us and all other beings.

For a more comprehensive look at Compassionate Communication Skills and how you can benefit from learning them CLICK HERE to get started!