One aspect of life which I am inspired by and passionate about is human relations.
It has become a mission of mine to improve the quality of life by helping all of us to have healthy, meaningful and supportive relationships. Through my endeavors in this area I have come to understand the role that effective communication skills play in creating successful relationships.
Relationships are everywhere and are the foundation of everything that occurs in life.
Without each other we cannot create life on this earth. The success of our interactions and fulfillment of our endeavors depends on the quality of our inter-relatedness, our relationships.
One of the key things that we do in our relationships with each other is to have conversations.
We converse about getting things done and we converse about how we are doing, feeling or what we are wanting. I think that it is pretty safe to say that most of us know the joys of a great conversation where one comes away from it feeling a sense of having been heard, of connection and a satisfying resolution of a problem. I also think that most of us know the moments of conversations gone sour, which can throw a chink in the progress of a project or the love between two people, creating a lot of angst and suffering.
Yet, the majority of us do not learn how to have successful conversations with eachother.
We often bumble along in trial, error, frustration and exasperation. I imagine that many of you know, as I do, the great and often debilitating cost of time, energy, love and money due to misunderstanding, hurt feelings and unresolved conflicts.
In my work with people I have seen that much of the suffering that we experience in our relationships is due to misunderstanding that results from lack of skill in communicating.
This suffering can be alleviated by learning how to have conversations that foster genuine understanding, connection and support, of all the people involved.
These kinds of conversations create more peace and free flow of energy within a person and between people.
These kinds of conversations create more love in the world.
What creates these kinds of conversations?
Ways of being within oneself and of speaking and listening that cultivate empathetic understanding, clarity of feelings, needs and intentions, and expanded perspectives of what might be possible to meet the needs of everyone involved.
How do I know about this?
About fifteen years ago, after a lifetime of personal growth and education in the field psychology, spirituality and human relations, I was still suffering inside myself and in my relationships. In my search to alleviate my suffering, I came across a particular perspective on interpersonal communication that changed my life profoundly in the area of being able to create truly fulfilling relationships in all areas of my life, forever. It is called Non Violent Communication also know as NVC and colloquially referred to as Compassionate Communication.
NVC is one of the most powerful approaches to successful interpersonal communication that I have found.
I am passionate about sharing it with you. NVC was initially developed about 50 years ago by world reknowned psychologist Marshall Rosenberg and today is actively used and developed through a world wide organization with facilitators and practitioners in all walks of life.
The principles and tools of NVC are incredibly comprehensive and far too broad reaching to address in a short article like this one.
However NVC does focus on five very important skills that when brought to awareness and mastered can change the course of a persons life by cultivating the ability to create more love, connection and genuine care for themselves and between the them and the other people in their lives.
In short that translates to having more loving and supportive relationships! In my world that is the foundation of relationship success!
I would like to share these skills with you here.
My hope is that you will find inspiration and perhaps the curiosity to go further in your learning. The five skills that follow are the foundational skills of NVC. The beauty of these skills is that each one encompasses the others, which reinforces the learning of all of them. They are an integrated whole and function in support of each other! These five essential Compassionate Communication Interpersonal Skills are –
1 – Open mindful present moment awareness and presence.
This refers to the ability to perceive and be in the moment free from preconcieved evaluations, personal judgements, interpretations, projections and emotional reactivity. This allows for a broader perspective, more relaxation, less emotional and psychological stress in any given situation and greater openess to compassion.
2 – Self Connection and Empathy
This refers to being in touch with ones feeling, needs and desires in relation to another or a situation. A strong self connection and ability to have empathy results in the ability to be more responsive and more fully engaged in creating nurturing, satisfying and fulfilling life circumstances.
3 – Honest, Authentic, Articulate Self Expression
This means being able to speak with another about what is going on within oneself in a way that truly communicates understanding, nurtures being in touch with oneself and cultivates a genuine connection with another. Honest, authentic and articulate self expression supports clarity of purpose, relaxation, and the free flow of energy which increases well being and creativity. Most importantly it is the foundation for creating understanding between two people.
4 – Open Hearted Listening
Open hearted listening is listening to another with a focus on understanding their situation, feelings, needs and desires. It includes being able to feel and express empathy and compassion for them. Listening skills such as this are the crucial bridge of understanding between people and basis for open, creative and vital conversations and relationships.
5 -Asking For What One Truly Wants Without Demand.
This includes being willing to hear a “no”, and be able to discuss what might work for everyone involved with the goal of finding creative solutions that consider and meet each persons needs. The result of this skill is that we are able to get to everyone’s “yes” without coercion or acquiescing. The result being that each person involved feels the fulfillment of being seen, heard and considered. This is an essential experience for us as humans and contributes to our overall sense of well being, belonging and being willing to joyfully cooperate with each other. Joyful cooperation is the foundation of peace on earth.
These five skills are an essential interpersonal relationship tool kit for all of us humans
As I mentioned earlier, we are in this earth dance together. We and all beings with us on this earth are best served if we know how to communicate with each other in a way that promotes understanding, consideration, and joyful cooperation. When these five communication skills are integrated into ones interpersonal skill set, conversations between people create an open, safe, and supportive interpersonal environment that greatly contributes to the aliveness and vitality of relationships between people and peace and harmony between us and all other beings.
If you resonated with what I have shared here and would like to explore how you can learn these skills and improve the relationships in your life simply fill in the form at the bottom of this page to sign up for a complementary consultation!