What’s it like? For an introvert … to stand up and shout out –
“Here I am!”
In the past I’ve shuddered at the thought of standing up publicly. Now, it’s time to step out and be seen!
It’s thrilling, even though it’s not easy!
I’ve been shy like the one who stands on the beach at the waters edge forever inching her way in, arms crossed, proclaiming, “it’s too cold”!
I’m diving in headfirst to boldly speak up publically about what is important to me, to inspire depth of inquiry and positive change, and to unapologetically let you know about my work and how I might support you or others in your life. Because making a positive contribution to others and uplifting life on this planet is very important to me!
A good part of my life has been spent studying the nature of support and cultivating various support systems for myself and others. Support systems like personal care practices such as yoga, meditation, exercise and diet, therapy, healing and coaching.
There is another kind of support beside self care, that is very important to us, perhaps even more so.
It is the support that comes from nourishing relationships with the people in our lives. Without nourishing relationships we humans do not get the support that we need.
What creates nourishing relationships is the “how” we are in. The relationship with oneself and another are “two sides of the same coin” and are crucial ingredients in creating health and wellbeing. Of course we are always in “relationship”. That is the nature of our existence.
The “How” is the key in determining whether we are nurtured by our relationships or not. And, the “how” is an inside job. It depends on us being able to share ourselves fully and be open to others sharing themselves fully.
For me love is the bottom line of life! Yet so many of us suffer from not having enough love in our lives, both coming from within and coming from others. I have known this suffering in my life, a lot.
I’ve thought much about what allows love to grow, studied it and experimented with it. One thing that I know for sure is that what grows love is human support and deep connection.
Human acts of kindness, openness, care and respect create an atmosphere of support. This might be self evident to you in theory, but my looking around has shown me that most of us don’t really know how to give each other this.
Since I am all about growing love in the world, it is these aspects of human connection that I seek to support with my work.
What happens to us when we don’t share our love? We become lonely.
Loneliness is an experience that many people suffer from. It comes from lack of support, true connection and the experience of not being loved.
Loneliness is usually associated with not having any one to be with or talk to enough to meet one’s social needs for simply being with another human. That is one kind of loneliness.
This is the loneliness that happens when we yearn to connect deeply with ourselves, and others, but just don’t feel it, even though we are trying.
This is the loneliness that happens when we reach out to connect with the warm and tender emotional embrace of another human heart but just can’t touch it.
This is the loneliness that pierces the heart when our longing to be known, accepted, and loved by another remains unrequited even when standing face-to-face, or heart to heart.
This is the kind of loneliness that comes when we can’t bridge the gap between our spiritual love and our personal love.
Loneliness from the lack of “substance of connection” is a painful place. I know many other people who feel its bite besides me. I also know that it doesn’t need to be this way.
I’ve been lonely in this way for many years. Although I am not now, I know it well.
Why was I suffering this way? I experienced myself to be a deeply caring and open person with a rich inner life and much to offer. I had thought extensively and studied about relationship and love. That was my passion. So how was it possible that I was suffering in this way?
It’s actually pretty simple. I did not know “how” to really “talk” with others, especially when I was in challenging situations, like when I got triggered or the other person got triggered, or when I was faced with a disagreement about something really important to me.
The kind of stuff that occurs in the trenches of everyday life – I just didn’t really know how to navigate through this stuff and come out the other side with more genuine connection, love and understanding both to myself and to another.
Even with all that I knew, I was not able to really “be with” and “talk with” the people in my life in a way that left me feeling the roots of connection deeply embedded in my being. Do you ever feel this way?
For those who know me, this might be hard to believe. I am a very sophisticated person with social skills and a well developed capacity to relate. Or so it seemed. Many of us have social lives that from the outside look fulfilling but from the inside are not.
There is a big difference though between having basic social skills and being able to “process issues” or talk “about” stuff and really opening oneself up to another such that you receive the gifts of connection at a deep level.
Most of us don’t know how to “open ourselves up to eachother” in our conversations. Even those of us who are educated, intelligent, and caring people and think that we are good communicators! We just don’t know how to have the kinds of conversations that engender genuine support and open hearted connection! Especially when the going gets rough. (That’s because knowing how to open oneself to another is actually a skill!)
Just look around and notice how many of us complain about one another or our relationships. This is a simple indication of our lack of genuine support and openness for one another.
The “way we” converse with each other is a big part of what helps us to truly open to one another or not.
How “present” we are, how transparent we are, how well we can share what’s going on inside of us and how well we can receive others are some of the “ways” that create this “substance of connection”, bring us closer and offer the nourishment of genuine love.
After many years of work, and success, in transforming my ability to relate with people so that I could feel the kind of transparent depth of connection that quenched my loneliness, I very much want to support others to find their way towards having more genuine support and love through learning how to create this “substance of connection”.
This is why I am now putting myself out with my work more strongly at this time.
So what helped me to create the lasting positive changes that I now experience?
Getting support to change from the inside out and to learn how to do things differently so that I empowered myself to create the kind of “substance of connection” that I needed. This is what I offer to you!
I am spreading the word that there is a way to have the kind of connections that are nourishing to the depths of your being and create more love in our life.
Life does not have to be filled with the kind of suffering that comes from not knowing how to talk with and connect with others in ways that support real love and substance of sharing.
It is never too late to be more deeply connected to oneself and to others in a way that grows more love inside of us and between us. I know this. Even if you have spent a lifetime of repeating the same frustrating interpersonal patterns it can actually be easy and straightforward to change.
Did you know that you (or someone you know) can book a complementary starter session with me to help you on the path towards having more love in your life and deeply supportive connections?
Fill in the box in the upper right corner of this page and you will be on your way!
p.s. I’ve slogged through a lot over the past 20 years to get to this point and have developed a lot of understanding and insight into how to make it easy, so that you don’t have go through the muck of figuring it out for yourself like I did. I would love to share what I have discovered with you and help make your life easier.